Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
