I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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