I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
