Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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