if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
