He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
