Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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