I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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