if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
