Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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