Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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