as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
