Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
