That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
