My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
