Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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