After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
