well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
