My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
