Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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