I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
