I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
