I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
