Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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