Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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