my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
