I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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