My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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