id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
