You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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