just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
