He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
