i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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