I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize