So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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