jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
