I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize