You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
