Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
