It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
