if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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