Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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