i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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