Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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