Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
