its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
