I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
