every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
