i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
