sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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