My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
