hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
