I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
