i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
