everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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