Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just found puke in my bra..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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