I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
