Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
