I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
