sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize