Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
