best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
