well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
