I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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