piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
