Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
