I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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