And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
