At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
