this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
