Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
