who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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