My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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