I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
