It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
