party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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